This one is from the heart

This one is from the heart.

Its been 24 years since I was in the outback – I was 20 then, a carefree backpacker – bulletproof with health and youth and everything ahead of me.  I’m not complaining how I’ve spent the last 24 years, I certainly am not complaining.  But motherhood and compromise are interchangeable – and I am loving my time in Alice and Coober Pedy, and the East and West Mac Donnel Ranges, but I cannot help but look back. 

Now I keep catching views of myself, the not so supple skin hits the most – I glance at my hands – eekk!  Aging hands, sagging neck, puffy knees – gravity is setting in.  I watched an episode of Catalyst and find there is no skin cream that can turn back time – botox might help, fat injections, laser . . . I’m not sure that’s a path I want to tread – so embrace this aging I must.  It’s hard not to look back.  24 years since I was last here – and even with (so it seemed) all the time in the world I didn’t circumnavigate Kings Canyon or Uluru, I didn’t do all the little walks that are there to be done.  And now I’m travelling with a 4 year old and it has its concessions.  No walks longer than 30 minutes or ‘she’ must be carried.  Dont get me wrong, I love looking at things through a child’s eyes, but as I revisit these places that I went to 24 years ago, and again cant find the opportunity to walk the circuit, I’m wondering will I ever?  If its another 24 years, I’ll be 68.

I’m not happy about missing these opportunities – I love walking, exploring, exerting myself – and I feel like this has all been ‘on hold’ since motherhood.  But wait, I look at my oldest child.  He’s 11 now and quite capable.  I ask him “would you like to do the Kings Canyon circuit”?  I’m aware its 38 degrees.  “Yes, I would” he says, “but it’s very hot”.  “Well”  I say, “We will take plenty of water, and maybe not do the whole 4 hour circuit, maybe just an hour in and an hour out”.  “Yes” he says, “I think I’m up for that”.  I feel excited at this new potential.  The first 15 minutes nearly kills him, but we take it easy and after the initial climb it’s hot but easy walking.  Husband is so easy going as says he will come back after 2 hours, and if we don’t show he’ll come back after 4.  So there is no pressure on us.  My son is confused by this, ”why can’t we ring Dad when we need a lift”?  “No signal” I say (and have said in many different ways as we have travelled outback in and out of mobile phone range – its a concept he really struggles to grasp). 

40 minutes into the walk and we have all but drained our first bottle of water.  It is hot like Bikrum, I can manage, my boy needs lots of rests – no problem – I cannot risk turning him off taking on a challenge.  Then he admits he did not fill his extra water bottle, so we have no choice but to turn back 1 hour in.  I am slightly pissed off about this – he was told to fill both – but he had no idea, had no experience of what this might be like.  It’s not all bad, I got to see part of Kings Canyon that I hadn’t seen before.  I forgot my camera.  So I took a picture with my memory, and stored it in my heart.  It is, indeed spectacular.  I found a new hiking buddy, infact grew him myself.

2 days later and we are at Uluru, and again, that feeling, that I’m not going to do anything more exciting than the wheelchair access options, the family friendly walk.  The walk up the rock is closed at any opportunity, and morally its not really the go, so the circumnavigation is what I’m wanting.  Husband is keen to ‘do it’ and move on.  I’m not sure what the rush is!  There is so much to do, why cant anyone else see that?  Hamstrung by the littleun.  Again I look to my eldest, “fancy a stroll around the rock mate?”.  “It’s 38 degrees mum” he points out.  “Same rules buddy, we go til we are sick of it and then Dad can pick us up at the other car parks”  He thinks he might, but in the heat of the day decides no, it’s too much.  And it probably is.  But, I’m up for it.  So I get dropped off and have the most memorable afternoon in a long time.  I feel energised, renewed, challenged – a bit like my old back packer self.  It was hot, and hard, and long, but heat I can do and splendid it was.  I got to read all the info stations – that in itself is a treat.   I must say that everyone of my photos (camera remembered this time) is disappointing – it does not capture the enormity, glory or spectacular site before me.  Never mind, I capture it in my heart and in my mind and so it is there forever.